Rankings Based Solely on Week 1*
1. Aaron Rodgers– BAAAAAD MAN BACK!
2. Russell Wilson– Uber Efficiency Plus
3. Lamar Jackson– Ridiculous 152.1 Rating
4. Josh Allen– Air and Ground
5. Gardner Minshew– No Mistake Mania
6. Kyler Murray– Very Effective Runner
7. Patrick Mahomes– Token Three Touchdowns
8. Matt Ryan– 450 But Outplayed
9. Ben Roethlisberger– Welcome Back Ben
10. Mitchell Trubisky– More Of This
11. Kirk Cousins– Solid But Short
12. Jimmy Garoppolo– Simply Not Enough
13. Ryan Tannehill– Did The Job
14. Cam Newton– Running Back Vibes
15. Derek Carr– Game Manager Mentality
16. Deshaun Watson– Where’d Everybody Go?
17. Drew Lock– Good, Considering Circumstances
18. Drew Brees– Didn’t Do Much
19. Teddy Bridgewater– Little Too Conservative
20. Dak Prescott– Not Enough Points
21. Phillip Rivers– Too Many Mistakes
22. Daniel Jones– Dimes Plays Decent
23. Dwayne Haskins– The Bare Minimum
24. Carson Wentz– Just Be Better
25. Tom Brady– Go Home, Grandpa!
26. Matthew Stafford– Same Ol’ Story
27. Jared Goff– Literally Nothing Special
28. Tyrod Taylor– Way Too Pedestrian
29. Sam Darnold– Absolutely No Progression
30. Joe Burrow– Just Growing Pains
31. Baker Mayfield– We Thought Wrong
32. Ryan Fitzpatrick– No Fitzmagic Today
